If you’re an introvert who wants to make it through the holidays with plenty of joy and cheer, try these suggestions:
Prioritize
What people and events are most important to you and your family? Prioritize these and only add extra activities as you are able. It is far better to be fully present at one party than to be grumpy and exhausted at five. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. Your well-being affects those around you.
Find ways to participate that do not drain you
Maybe this means taking a “behind-the-scenes” role, like grabbing groceries, washing dishes, wrapping presents, or any other task that can be done solo. If you offer in advance, you may have a little more control over your activities. If you are worried about chatty Aunt Kathy joining you in your peaceful task, gently encourage her to relax and enjoy the party, and explain that you are enjoying taking it all in and need some quiet time to process.
Get out of the house
Take a walk, go to the gym, sit in a local café. If you come from a family that does not understand “alone time,” find something they do understand—a work project, a nap, exercise, a haircut—and schedule it in.
Find your own space
If staying at someone’s else house is overwhelming and negatively impacts your mental health and your ability to be present in a positive way, consider finding alternate arrangements, such as an Airbnb, hotel, or even a campground. Sometimes the extra expense is worth it, especially if there is family conflict. If you choose to remain a guest, find a place where you can retreat: an office, closet, bathroom, even your car.
Steer clear of conflict
If possible, steer clear of the topics and people that generate conflict. If you know you have to spend a lot of time with a person who seems to love picking a fight, suggest watching a movie. If you know you will have to have a conflict-inducing conversation, try to time it so that you can make an exit when necessary.
Seek out one-on-one conversations over large group discussions
Having a meaningful conversation allows you to connect with someone on a deeper level and may leave you feeling more refreshed than drained.
Leave when you need to
It may be tempting to use your phone as an escape, but try to avoid doing this in front of others. It may make the people around you feel more annoyed than if you physically left, and if you are using it to disconnect, you probably do need to just remove yourself to recharge. If you have a pet or child, use them as a reason to leave early, if needed.
Just say “No”
You do not have to say yes to every engagement, even the ones that are expected. The holidays do not need to be an emotional or financial drain on you and your family. If you have an extroverted partner or a partner who is not ready to disengage from all the parties, have an honest conversation about what you can and cannot do, and select which events you will attend together and which events you can skip. If you are both introverts, try dividing up the events so that you both get some downtime. Be clear with your employer about what work events you can attend. There is nothing wrong with scheduling family-only or solo time and treating it like a required and unchangeable event. If you don’t take time for yourself, someone else will find a good use for that time.
Plan ahead this holiday season and communicate your needs to your friends and family. It is not necessary to be a martyr to everyone else’s expectations. Holidays can be a wonderful time to celebrate with family and friends, and you should be able to enjoy it too.
Sarah Gane Burton is a freelance writer and copy editor from Berrien Springs, Michigan, where she lives with her husband, Kevin, and two children.
